The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
