Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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