I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
