I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I FOUND THE LEGS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
