turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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