no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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