So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
