sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
