It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
