Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
