I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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