you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
