Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
