i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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