Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize