He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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