Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
