Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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