The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
