Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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