I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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