Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
