i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can I color on your dick again?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
