let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
