Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
