My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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