listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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