Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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