I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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