Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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