Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize