Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
