You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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