were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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