Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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