At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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