The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
