My friends, they love my intelligence
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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