Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Couch. On fire.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
