I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
