i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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