everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
