I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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