U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
