You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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