He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
