I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
