I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wear drunk well.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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