there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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