The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
