i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
