i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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