No, you can still breathe under the balls.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize