We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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