I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
