I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
