franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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