This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
