So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
