You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
two words: eviction party
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize