My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
