oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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