Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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