can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
