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I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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