Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So. Much. Porn.
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