You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
