Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
