i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize