What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
