i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
