Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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