Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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