Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
