honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize