I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
