So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
