Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
