so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
