Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize