Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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