yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
