Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
